Sprints #4 - Wisdom from Lao Tzu and George Clooney

Why you should give up.

Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash

Hey everyone,

Happy weekend. I’m back (for now) and getting the hang of this Substack thing after spending several years on Medium.

So, where have I been? Working, skating, and trying to keep up with the laundry.

Up here in the Adirondacks, we still have fiery leaves on the trees despite last week's snow!

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First up, a poll for you.

I intend to do Sprints (links and a short post) every Saturday or Sunday.

I’d love to know which of my post formats you prefer; I’m new to this, so I am super-receptive to feedback!

Thanks in advance!

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Now, here are a few links for your reading pleasure.

Something from me: These Six Children’s Books Are Making Me a Better Person.

Something from someone else: You Might Not Recover From Burnout. Ever.

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Why you should give up.

“The Master understands that the universe is forever out of control and that trying to dominate events goes against the current of the Tao.” — Lao Tzu

How many times have we been told to ‘chase our dreams’?

Until recently, I took that directive literally. I thought I had to be the one to make things happen.

Consequently, I grabbed opportunities, often those no one else wanted, and convinced myself they were close enough to my actual desires to be sufficient.

Or, I chased things I DID want, only to burn myself out or suffer in some way down the line.

But here’s something I realized from experience and studying the philosophies of Stoicism and Taoism.

The more you want something and chase after it, the more you will repel it.

People get what they want when they give up (or at least ease up a bit).

And if they don’t, they sometimes find out they were better off.

Famous people became famous when they gave up.

I’ve been studying famous people’s biographies for years now.

It’s fascinating to hear their stories and see how different their backgrounds were and how, despite hardships, they eventually “made it.”

I would wonder what twists and turns in their lives led them to their success.

What was their childhood like? What actions did they take? How did they get ‘discovered’?

What choices did they make that led to their ultimate success?

I was trying to figure out precisely what they did to become successful, so I could do it, too. I noted all the actions and checked them off like a to-do list.

I thought I had to hustle, be assertive, and take risks.

But in all my studies of successful people, I’ve identified one common denominator; that at some point, they stopped striving and sort of….gave up.

That doesn’t mean they didn’t make an effort. They took action when opportunities came to them.

But most weren’t chasing agents around LA asking them to represent them or begging them for an acting job. They dropped the desperation.

They took the actions they could take and let the rest go.

For many of them, their big break came when they were done looking or giving it “one last try” before they moved on to another career.

Jon Hamm, Jon Krasinski (must be something with Jons), Chris Hemsworth, Gal Gadot — the list goes on.

Right before they got their career-defining role, they were ready to quit….and only then did they get somewhere.

Why is that?

I think it’s because they surrendered.

I’ve noticed this in my life as well. Things usually happen whenever I give up on something or focus elsewhere.

The philosophical case for stopping the chase.

Taoism and Stoicism go out of their way to preach against chasing after external circumstances.

Taoism encourages allowing rather than pursuing. And that goes double for the things you REALLY want.

The fifteenth verse, interpreted by Dr. Wayne Dyer, says as much.

In attempting to access the mind and intentions of Lao-tzu through meditation and research on the Tao Te Ching, here’s what I believe he would say to us today: Stop chasing your dreams. Allow them to come to you in perfect order with unquestioned timing. Slow down your frantic pace and practice being hollow like the cave and open to all possibilities like the uncarved wood. Make stillness a regular part of your daily practice. Imagine all that you’d like to experience in life and then let go. Trust the Tao to work in Divine perfection, as it does with everything on the planet. You don’t really need to rush or force anything. Be an observer and receiver rather than the pushy director of your life. It is through this unhurried unfolding that you master your existence in the way of the Tao.

It’s not necessarily a metaphysical issue.

If you are pushing for something, you tend to give off desperate energy, which makes people less likely to give you a chance.

You are also willing to “put up” with more if you are desperate for an opportunity—for example, you might endure less-than-ideal treatment or get into a bad situation because you thought, ‘This is it. I’d better grab this while I can.’

Or you might be trying to force something that isn’t the right fit for you.

When you let go, stop hustling, and do things without being wholly attached to the outcome, sometimes the right opportunities come to you.

And sometimes, all it takes is a change of perspective.

Before George Clooney was the George Clooney we think of now, he was a struggling actor. Despite being part of an entertainment family (famous singer Rosemary Clooney was his aunt), he didn’t have the career he wanted. Clooney was handsome and charismatic but couldn’t book the significant, leading roles that would change his career. He did guest spots on shows like The Facts of Life, Murder, She Wrote, and The Golden Girls (yes, he sparred a bit with Bea Arthur, and yes, it was glorious), but he wasn’t exactly booking the meaty roles he craved.

Then, he booked the role of Doug Ross in the television drama ER, which launched him into the leading man phase of his career.

So what changed?

His attitude.

As Stoic writer Ryan Holiday writes in his book, The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Adversity to Advantage:

“George Clooney spent his first years in Hollywood getting rejected at auditions. He wanted the producers and directors to like him, but they didn’t and it hurt and he blamed the system for not seeing how good he was. This perspective should sound familiar. It’s the dominant viewpoint for the rest of us on job interviews, when we pitch clients, or try to connect with an attractive stranger in a coffee shop. We subconsciously submit to what Seth Godin, author and entrepreneur, refers to as the “tyranny of being picked.”

Everything changed for Clooney when he tried a new perspective.

He realized that casting is an obstacle for producers, too — they need to find somebody, and they’re all hoping that the next person to walk in the room is the right somebody. Auditions were a chance to solve their problem, not his. From Clooney’s new perspective, he was that solution. He wasn’t going to be someone groveling for a shot. He was someone with something special to offer. He was the answer to their prayers, not the other way around. That was what he began projecting in his auditions — not exclusively his acting skills but that he was the man for the job. That he understood what the casting director and producers were looking for in a specific role and that he would deliver it in each and every situation, in preproduction, on camera, and during promotion.”

All it took was for him to change his approach. Clooney decided to try to help the casting directors and give them what they needed and wanted rather than being desperate for them to hire him.

He was still trying, but he wasn’t chasing.

He was collaborating, and that’s when things opened up for him.

Changing your viewpoint to “how can I help” rather than “what can I get” can improve your opportunities.

The answer is to trust that the things meant for you will not pass you by.

I had the most success when I stopped pushing so hard. In today’s hustle culture environment, we are taught that the only way to “get ahead” is to keep “trying” and hammering away until you eventually bludgeon the goal into submission. But that’s the key to burnout.

You can take action as opportunities arise—no one’s suggesting you go live in a cave in the woods and pass on opportunities you want.

But as Mark Manson suggests in his newsletter, let go, change your perspective, and stop trying so hard.

Trust me, it works.

And even if it doesn’t, you will have a better chance of finding something that will give you what you seek.

This post is lightly abridged from its original version on Medium.