Sprints #3 - Would you rather be right or happy?
Why being a know-it-all isn't making you any more content.
From me: I’m Using This Taoist Principle To Be More Balanced This Year
(if you’re not on Medium, here’s the non-member link)
From someone else: It’s So Easy To Find the Negative in Everything, But What’s the Point?
I went through a phase where I hated self-help.
The whole industry was inauthentic and filled with personalities whose only goal was to sell me something.
But as I got older, I realized there was some wisdom to what certain gurus were saying. Yes, they made money from their books, but that didn’t automatically invalidate their message.
One of my favorite self-help authorities was the late Dr. Wayne Dyer.
His interpretations of the Tao got me through a particularly rough transition in my life, and I used to listen to his audiobooks with my mom on long car trips.
Recently, I was reminded of one of his quotes. He’s not the first to say some variation of this, but his quote goes like this:
“If you have the choice between being right and being kind, choose being kind.”
Another common variation of this quote is, ‘Would you rather be right or be happy/at peace?’
Medium and Substack legend Tim Denning says, "Focus on positivity instead of always being right."
When I first heard these, I thought, ‘No way, I’d rather be right’.
Why?
Because I’m a bit of a know-it-all.
To me, being knowledgeable and an authority was a way to be helpful and included.
I knew that even if people didn’t like or understand me as a person, they would like what I knew. Therefore, by offering information, I was a part of something.
Messed up, I know.
People pleasing is how I got along for so long because I was desperate for people to like me.
But now I don’t care.
I’d rather be alone than with people who only like me for what I can do for them.
But back to Dyer’s (and Denning’s) quote.
Lately, I’ve realized that perhaps I was wrong.
Is being right about almost everything making me happy?
Is it making me more successful?
And is it making my family members or those around me feel any better?
Do they appreciate me more for my knowledge, or does it just make them think I’m difficult or unpleasant?
And most importantly, who am I really benefiting by being this way?
No one.
There’s satisfaction from having the right answers, but I realized this is a family trait. My dad is like this, and although he’s mellowed over the years, he tends to act like he’s always right, and the rest of us aren’t. And it’s hurtful.
And all the people in my life I find insufferable are those who always have to be right, practically hitting people over the head with the superiority of their opinions.
They always have to be the first, the best, and the smartest, and this makes people dislike them, too.
So lately, I’ve been trying to stop being such a know-it-all.
I’m allowing people to have their own opinions, even if I disagree with them, and I trust they will do the same.
And even though I think of myself as a curmudgeon, I’m starting to open myself up to choosing, if not joy or happiness, peace by not trying to prove I’m right all the time.
I encourage you to do the same.
From one neurodivergent curmudgeon to another, I see you. There is a part of me that would rather be right, but thank goodness I don't let her win and lean into kindness instead.
This is, hands down, my favorite bit of wisdom. I use it all the time - with my husband, colleagues, accountability partners etc "would you rather be right or be happy" - my variation on the original. Thanks for the reminder and reinforcement of this important life skill.